So who needs engineers and hydrologists to solve water-supply problems? Check out the solutions proposed by The Onion (thanks to Olivia Odom). I decided to add a few to the list.
Drinkable Water for America's Cities
With the scarcity of drinkable water becoming a major issue on the horizon, cities across the U.S. are trying to find new sources of water or new ways to conserve water. Here are some of those methods.
MALIBU, CA—Purchasing a six-pack of Poland Spring's new 350 million-ounce City Jug™
TEMPE, AZ—Transcontinental straw enables residents to enjoy a refreshing sip of Lake Michigan water.
HOUSTON—Encouraging residents to aim "celebration guns" squarely at clouds.
ATLANTA—Passing legislation mandating that people be composed of only 45 percent water.
SANTA FE—Requiring a doctor's prescription to buy bottled water.
GAINESVILLE, FL—Encouraging hot college coeds to shower together.
LOS ANGELES—This shouldn't have to be said, but please don't leave your faucet running while you go to work.
MADISON, WI—Requiring restaurants to wash dishes only after every fourth use.
WASHINGTON, DC—Condensing water vapor contained in the hot air emanating from politicians' mouths.
PORTLAND, OR—Asking residents to stand outside with their heads back and mouths open when they are thirsty.
MIAMI—Encouraging drug dealers to aim guns at clouds, not at opponents, during drive-by shootings.
MINNEAPOLIS/ST. PAUL--Revoking the Twin Cities' official motto, "Flush twice, it's a long way to St. Louis".
NEW YORK—Convincing both Coca-Cola (Dasani) and PepsiCo (Aquafina) to donate six-packs of bottled water every time former mayor Rudy Giuliani mentions '9/11' in a campaign speech.
EL PASO, TX-- Using water in Rio Grande for drinking instead of futile attempt to keep Mexicans from illegally entering the USA.
JERSEY CITY, NJ--Preventing water pollution by encouraging Mafia hitmen not to dump bodies in waterways: local police stations will now accept dead bodies and issue vouchers for hitmen to give to Mafia bosses attesting that so-and-so is, in fact, dead.
CITIES WITH MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAMS-- Requiring ballplayers to use liquids other than water when swallowing or injecting themselves with performance-enhancing drugs.