South Caucasus Report: The Joys of Flying

This is for those of you many WaterWired readers who are desperate for news of my peregrinationss

I made it from Portland to the Frankfurt airport, where I now await my flight to Baku, Azerbaijan. The airport is shabbier than I remember it. But the men's rooms are Sen. Larry Craig-proofed.

The security folks made TSA look efficient, and I had to go through two more checkpoints even though I dismebarked from a secure flight and had no access to my checked baggage or other unsecured area.

The 10-hour flight from PDX  provided irrefutable evidence as to the need for: a continued ban on handguns for passengers; and family-only sections on all flights exceeding 10 minutes' duration.

I know - I just turned 60 and am becoming (??) a curmudgeon.

I sat on an aisle seat in the 4-seat middle row with a woman, her sweet daughter (about 5 or 6) and thoroughly obnoxious son (about 4, let's see if he reaches 5). When he wasn't throwing tantrums, he was kicking, waving his pencil around, spilling drinks, etc. The flight was full so there was no place else for me to go. I kept waiting for the large German man directly in front of him to turn around and glare at him, but I think he had had too many Heinekens. The boy did settle down after a while and a few glares from me. For safe measure I kept the earphones on, as I rediscovered the sheer ecstasy of Quiet Riot's Cum On Feel The Noize and its ability to shut out all other sounds.

When we landed in Frankfurt, the woman behind me said, "If I had been sitting there, he would have been dead by now."

Other than that, alles gut hier.

But now for some big news: USAirways has taken over Lufthansa!

So how do I know this, ahead of all the airline industry insiders? Experience, friends, experience.

As we departed the Frankfurt airport gate on 15 May 2008 to fly to Baku, the pilot came on the PA system as we hit the taxiway. In a slight German accent, he was embarrassed to admit that the plane had not been loaded with all the food nor any drinking water, so we had to return to the gate.

Like all commercial pilots everywhere, he was trained to utter the words all passengers ABHOR hearing: "Ladies and gentlemen, this will take only a few minutes and we will soon be en route to Baku."

Three hours later, we took off, and arrived in Baku after midnight instead of at 9 PM. Pity the poor souls who had to continue on to Ashgabat, the Turkmenistan capital - a bad enough destination even under the best of circumstances. Some of the crew members averted their eyes as we deplaned, and the pilot promised, "Lufthansa's normal high standard of service the next time you fly with us." 

As I left, the plane, I said to the head flight attendant, "So when did USAirways take you over?". She gave me a wan smile.

Or maybe it was Northwest.   

Comments

[DW]

Michael,

When at the Frankfort airport did you visit Dr. Müller's ? Just wondering...

DW

[robert]

60 and listening to Quiet Riot. I love it! Be safe and keep blogging!